


Solving the Problem

by SquidDeity



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Marauders' Era, mentions of abuse, swearing cause duh, who knows - Freeform, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-04-27 20:23:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14433381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquidDeity/pseuds/SquidDeity
Summary: "In those details, he didn’t see the hatred he expected. He didn’t even see fear which, if he was being honest, was what he dreaded even more than the hatred. Remus could live with people hating him. He expected it, and was rather surprised it had taken this long to find him. Fear, though, was another beast. Fear was what drove people to be truly disconnected. At least through hatred, you still occupied a corner of the other person’s mind; no matter how vile it was. "





	1. Where Werewolves Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.”  
> ― André Malraux

Hogwarts, 1975 - 5th year

Remus twiddled his thumbs as he sat on the worn rug placed in the waning firelight of the Gryffindor common room. His bony, slightly too long legs were folded beneath him. To his right, James Potter pushed his glasses further up his nose, disobedient black hair catching the flickering light behind him. Peter Pettigrew sat to his left, leaning eagerly forward in an effort to catch what the taller boys were saying.

“I just. I feel like you lot are hiding something from me,” Remus said, looking each of them in the face in turn. He had called together this Marauders meeting. The recent months had brought a change in the group, and he was determined to find out the cause.

“Mate, I swear, we have nothing to hide,” James replied as he pushed his hair nervously around his head. He was lying more to himself than to Remus as he said this. He didn’t want what they suspected to be true. If they had nothing to hide, then there was nothing to suspect about his friend.

“Oh come off it, James,” Remus answered in a startlingly calm voice. He spoke like a boy who was far too mature for his own good. Someone who was used to secrets and knew one when he saw it. “I know you’re hiding something and I know it has to do with me, so why don’t you all just tell me and then we can go on with the whole breaking the friendship deal and-”

“We know you’re a werewolf,” Sirius, sitting across the circle and going mostly unnoticed, finally spoke up. He dropped his dark hair from the knot he was attempting poorly to form at the top of his head and continued, “We’ve known for a while now.” Remus sat back as the flush the fire had lent to his face faded swiftly. The room was silent save for the faint crackling of the embers in the hearth before the rustling and fabric and thud of footsteps that signaled Remus’ exit filled the room. The remaining marauders were still for a beat before James and Peter simultaneously turned to look at Sirius. Sirius, to his credit, attempted to feign an air of bafflement before resigning himself to the task the eyes of his friends were setting upon him. He sighed and pushed himself off of the floor.

“I don’t know why it’s always me who has to get him,” he said as he neared the staircase that lead to the dormitories.

“Yes you do, Black,” James said as a slight smirk tugged at his lips, “you’re the only one who gets through to him.” Sirius’ middle finger was his only response as he rounded the bend in the spiral staircase.

Upstairs, all of the usual candles had been extinguished. All that was left to illuminate the room was the faint light of the waning moon streaming through the open window. As Sirius took a deep breath, the scent of the pines and dirt filled his nose. Cautiously, he approached the closed curtains of Remus’ bed. He slowly reached out until his hand met the heavy fabric. Suddenly, he yanked the drapes back. His face fell into a familiar puppy-dog pout as he took in the wrinkled sheets that held no brown haired boy. “Bugger,” he let out under his breath. Feeling slightly daft, he stooped to look under the bed just to be sure. He found nothing but some library books that had been there since first year and Lupin’s Honeydukes chocolate stash. He slipped a bar surreptitiously in his trouser pocket and rose to walk about the room, head bowed as though to scent the boy out. Sirius methodically circled the room, checking each bed. As he walked by the window, his head perked up, remembering the scent of pine. He opened the window wider and thrust his head out. Sitting down the ledge and to the right was Remus, head in hand.

“Oi, brainiac,” Sirius hissed toward his hunched form. “Get your arse in here before you catch cold,” Remus’ head slowly rose from his palms. Tear stained yellow-brown eyes met gray.

“Why?” he replied with a break in his voice that gave away his recent activity. He showed no sign of movement in his friend’s favor. Sirius sighed and flug a leg over the ledge of the window. With a grunt, he heaved himself out of the dormitory and onto the ledge. He slowly shimmied along the edge as a cold November wind that hinted at the promise of winter blew his hair back from his face. Finally, he reached his spot next to Remus.

“Scared?” Remus teased, the tears not yet fully leaving his voice.

“Hell no” Sirius said, throwing his chest out. His hands though, never let go of their white-knuckled grip on the stone ledge, and his breathing was not quite comfortable. “I didn’t get into Gryffindor just to be scared of some tiny, very high, no ground in sight ledge.” Remus only starred in response, sadness - no, despair- etched lines into his face and stole the light from his eyes. After several failed attempts to continue the conversation, Sirius relented to adopt this air of quiet as well, and reached into his pocket with shaking hands to withdraw the stolen bar of Honeydukes premium. The purple wrapper crinkled and a faint snap sounded before a lightly tanned hand thrust into Remus’ view. Remus looked at it for a beat before reaching up and plucking the chocolate from slender fingers. A hum for thanks was his only reply.  
The two boys sat and ate side by side for a few moments as the rustling of trees and faint hoos from the owlery filled the space their lack of conversation left. Eventually, Sirius tired of the lack of progress they had made and stuffed the leftover chocolate back into his pocket before wiping imaginary crumbs on his legs.

“Right,” he said turning to Remus, “time for bed.” He gave the boy to his right a pointed look that said “follow me, you twit” before cautiously sidling his way back to the window. By the time Remus followed, he was already changed into his pajamas. Their silk cloth was one of the few relics of his Black upbringing that remained since he had come to Hogwarts. He glanced up briefly at the moonlit figure that had interrupted his preparations before striding over to Remus’ bed and slipping in among the sheets. The other boy stared at him, aghast.

“Come on,” Sirius chided, patting the space beside him, “Just like first year when you’d have those nightmares you said were about your mum’s ‘sickness’,” with a wink he added, “I’ll only spoon you if you ask.” Remus snorted faintly as he dropped his trousers and unbuttoned his shirt. Never one for proper pajamas, he lay down in bed next to Sirius in briefs and his undershirt. With of flick of his wand, Sirius closed the drapes and enshrouded the two in darkness. Their breathing filled the space and Sirius sat, listening. After what felt like hours, he broke the silence.

“Rem?” He whispered so as not to wake the other boys who had retired to their respective beds at some point during their absence, “You still up?” Remus made a small sound in the back of his throat as a reply. Taking that as his sign to continue, Sirius said, “Just so you know, your ‘condition’ doesn’t change anything, Rem. We all still love you. You’re a marauder. Marauder’s don't get shunned or left behind or whatever stupid fucking idea you’ve got into your head.” Remus rolled on his side to face the other boy. Despite the darkness, he felt as though he could see every detail of Sirius’ face. That was an upside of knowing someone so well, he supposed. In those details, he didn’t see the hatred he expected. He didn’t even see fear which, if he was being honest, was what he dreaded even more than the hatred. Remus could live with people hating him. He expected it, and was rather surprised it had taken this long to find him. Fear, though, was another beast. Fear was what drove people to be truly disconnected. At least through hatred, you still occupied a corner of the other person’s mind; no matter how vile it was.

“Why?” was his eventual reply, “Why don’t you?” vulnerability shook its way through each of his words. Finally, the conversation he wanted to avoid the most was here.

“Are you daft?” Sirius voice rang through the dark. “Because you’re you. No one in their right mind could hate you. It’s impossible. Who hates grandpa sweaters and chocolate?”

“Sna-”

“Snape and suck a boggarts dick!” Sirius yell-whispered, “His entire being is hatred. It brews in his hair!” Remus chuckled quietly at that, shuffling closer to the form in front of him. 

“Well, I suppose that’s true,” He conceded, “But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m a-”

“REMUS JOHN LUPIN IF YOU CALL YOURSELF A MONSTER I WILL COME OVER THERE AND JOIN YOU TWO IN BED TO MAKE YOU WISH YOU NEVER LEARNED TO SPEAK,” came James's bellowing reply to the previously uninterrupted conversation between two fourths of the marauders. The curtains to their beds were pulled open by an invisible hand, and Sirius and Remus blinked into the seemingly blinding moonlight. Sitting diagonal from them, was James; his already messy hair exacerbated by his short trip into sleep before he was interrupted by the current conversation.

“He’s right mate,” was Peter’s slightly less aggressive reply, “You’re no monster, you’re Remus. You’ve just got a furry little problem.”

“Haha nice one, Pete. I like that,” Sirius said as he reached to clap Remus on the shoulder, “Your furry little problem.”

“As nice as that sounds, that still doesn’t change what it is: a problem,” Remus countered, “And one without a solution, mind you.”

“Well,” Sirius ventured, “if it’s a problem, then it must have a solution.”

“Yeah, and hopefully my Da would’ve found it by now seeing as he’s been looking since I got bit,” Remus answered, failing to hide the resentment in his voice. His father was one of the greatest researchers he knew. It was his job, after all. Despite this his best efforts and forays into illegal and ancient and dark magic brought no avail. Remus was still a monster and his dad was still failing to hide the sadness it brought him. 

“Maybe he’s just not looking in the right places,” James supplied, “My dad’s got all kinds of crazy books in his office, maybe there’s some potion yours hasn’t found yet.” He was trying, for Remus’ sake, to be positive. To keep the conversation from straying into what they all knew. Nothing would fix it.

“I for one don’t care either way,” Peter chimed in, “Remus is Remus and if the lycanthropy is part of him then that's the way it is.” The other boys assented and the conversation lulled for a while, each taking in what had just transpired. Finally, when the sound of awkward sighs had become too much, Sirius brought the moment to a close.

“Right, lads. Time for bed,” He said to break the silence, “You lot might not have anything to do this weekend, but I for one have a hot date with Minnie,”

“Sod off Sirius,” James groaned at Sirius innuendo. For once, only one of them had earned detention for the weekend. The other three, it seemed, would be free to do as they please. After a few more gripes and more than a few mentions as to what exactly the other three thought Sirius saw in Professor McGonagall, the bed curtains eventually closed and the marauders settled in to sleep. After a moment of quiet in which the two lay still, Remus rolled over once again to face Sirius.

“Hey Sirius?” He said in a whisper that was more so a rumble than a true sound, “Thanks.” Sirius simply grunted in response as he situated himself more comfortably on his pillow.

When he woke in the morning, warm sunlight streamed through the window and created glitter out of the falling dust. Warmer than the sunlight was Remus’ head on his chest. At some point in the night, it had migrated there. For a moment he considered pushing him away; that was what Remus would have expected. Instead, he sighed contentedly and drifted away into sleep.


	2. Where Animals are Joyous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”  
> ― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

Despite Peter’s surprising, though not altogether uncharacteristic, wisdom the following months lead to what James would later deem “the great Moony inquiry”. It began one day during defense against the dark arts. Normally, as the ever-ancient Merrythought droned on, James would have busied himself by pestering his friends or, if he was feeling ambitious, the teacher. Their discovery of Remus’ lycanthropy, however, had changed things. Now, he spent the majority of his lesson flipping through his careworn textbook in an effort to unearth some new morsel of information that could lead them in the right direction when it came to helping Remus. Remus, or as James had taken to calling him, the martyr, claimed he was perfectly fine on his own. He didn’t need any help. The others knew him better than that. They saw through his lies. Buried beneath his bravery was the secret hope that his friends would succeed. 

After months of reading and many dust induced sneezes, most of the marauders gave up. James, however, refused to relent. As the winter holidays neared and the boys prepared to return home, James informed the boys that he would be going through his father’s library over the hols.

“Mate, just give it up already,” Remus said, exasperated by his friend’s pointless persistence.

“Never,” James replied, “I know there’s something out there we can use to help you.” Remus just sighed in response, pushing past the group and setting off down the hallway to reach his next lesson. 

“Really, James, you ought to let it go. You’re just pissing him off now,” Sirius tried, wanting James to see that his efforts were beginning to seem futile. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help his friend. He wanted more than anything to help Remus in any way he could. But he knew that at some point you just couldn’t ignore the lack of information. 

“I’ll find it, Sirius.” James said, looking his friend in the eye. Sirius raised his hands in response, deciding not to continue the argument today. 

Days later, the morning finally came that signaled the beginning of Christmas break. The whole student body minus a few who stayed behind set off for Kings Cross. Around midday, the trolley came around. 

“Anything from the trolley, dears?” The trolley witch asked. James stepped forward and purchased a mound of sweets with some parentally provided coins. As he returned to he tossed each of the boys a chocolate frog before settling the rest of the bounty in his lap.

“You know,” Sirius said over a mouthful, “That bird’s always given me the creeps. Seems like she’s got an agenda.” Sirius shuddered, craning his neck to peer out the window after the trolley.

“You’re losing it, mate,” Remus said as he tossed his card for some Cannons beater he didn’t care about into Sirius’ lap.

“Ah, nice,” Sirius said as he caught it, “Now I’ve got the whole set.” he admired the card for a moment before standing and lovingly placing it in his trunk. He sat back down and settled in for the rest of the ride. As they wrapped up the plans for their next big endeavor in mischief, the train pulled into the station. Sirius’ face fell as his mind was forced back into reality. He had to go home.

“Send the warden my love,” James said, clapping Sirius on the shoulder reassuringly on his way off the train. Sirius let out a half hearted chuckle before swallowing harshly and wiping his palms on his trousers. As James' mess of hair faded into the crowd Sirius set off toward his mother. Remus leaned against a pillar near his father as he watched his long haired friend approach his mother. A claw-like hand made a vice on his shoulder as she grabbed Sirius face and inspected his hair. A slightly purple tint took over her face as obvious fury entered her body. With a flick of her wand, a dark shadow enveloped Sirius’ head. After a moment Remus realized with a shock that what he thought was a shadow was actually a cloud of hair. Mrs. Black had cut her son’s hair in the middle of the station. As the two walked away, Sirius’ hair was cropped extremely closely to his head, his face void of emotion. Remus rested his head against the pillar, unable to process how family could behave so cruelly.

That evening at the Potter household, James lay awake in bed, waiting until the movement in his father’s office below ceased. After a millenia, footsteps finally made their way up the stairs and into Mr. and Mrs. Potter's’ room. In an instant, James was out of bed and moving down the stairs, lit wand held aloft. He approached the oak doors of his father’s study, a place he was rarely allowed, and pulled them open as little as possible before slipping through the crack. A faint click sounded behind him as he accoustomed himself to the semidarkness. He blinked for a moment before setting off toward the first bookshelf, grabbing up the first book he found: Potions For the Brave. He cracked open the cover and set it on the wide desk, careful not to disturb the ingredients his father had left out for his latest project. He set to work, flipping through page after page.  
Hours later, as the first rays of morning sun shone through the study window, a small “aha” could be heard as James stood up, knocking back his chair in his excitement. Scrambling, he just managed to catch the thing before gingerly setting it back upright. He took a deep breath before sitting back down and gazing at the page before him:

Animagus  
To become an animagus, one must endure a long, arduous process. Once completed, however, the benefits are bountiful. Below, is the process and potion to become one’s animal form…

He sat back in the chair, leaning his head against the soft leather. This was it, this was how they would help Remus. It said in their Defense Against the Dark Arts book that Werewolves were not aggressive against other animals save for food, especially if they had come to know them. Once they completed the process, the could join him every moon. James heart thudded excitedly in his chest. He couldn’t wait until after the holiday to share this news. He needed to start now.

A few hours later, and after some grumbling from James’ rudely awakened parents, Sirius Black appeared on the hearth of the Potter’s kitchen.

“I think they were rather overjoyed to shove me off,” Sirius said as he brushed soot off his muggle shirt, his hair already magically regrown after the King's Cross incedent.

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, love,” Mrs. Potter said as she kneaded dough and brushed off a house elf who seemed rather determined to ensure Mrs. Potter did not do any more work “Now, we’ve been over this, let me enjoy my hobby,” She said, pointing a stern, flour covered finger. The elf bowed and muttered an apology in a high voice. James rolled his eyes and pulled Sirius upstairs by his sleeve. The two climbed until they found themselves on the landing and entered James’ room. Gryffindor pride and quidditch memorabilia covered almost every surface.

“Right,” He began, “I’ve found it.”

“Found what?” Sirius said, confused.

“The solution you twit!” James yelled, “The way we can help him.” He walked over to his bed pulling a box out from underneath. From the box he pulled a rather worn looking book. He flipped to a marked page, and shoved it under Sirius’ nose. After a moment of reading, Sirius looked back up into James’ eyes, excitement reflecting in them as the sun lit them. He simply nodded.

After the sun went down, the two boys crept once more into Mr. Potter’s office. They methodically searched each ingredient, managing to come away with only a few boils. Finally, they had everything they needed.

“So,” James began nervously, “Are we sure about this?”

“It was your idea you dolt,” Sirius answered, “We’re doing it.” Once each ingredient safely joined the book under James’ bed, a letter was sent out to Peter. The process began.

Gryffindor Fifth Year Dormitory - Three Months Later

James paced back and forth across the wood floor, intermittent panels squeaking beneath him. To his back, Peter and Sirius stood still and watched to see his next move. In front of him, Remus Lupin sat on his bed, arms crossed and a rather disgruntled look painted across his face.

“So, I bet you’re wondering why we’re here,” James said, trying to buy time.

“Yes, I’d say I’d like to know that,” Remus began, “And why you haven’t spoken to me in a month. And why you lot have been having secret meetings without me.” James stopped in front of him. His hand were folded tightly in front of him, but they crossed and uncrossed constantly. His mouth gaped open and closed as he searched for the right words.

“Alright, fish boy,” Sirius said, stepping forward to put a hand on his shoulder, “lets just show him before you run out of air.” James stopped moving and swallowed thickly. A beat. James nodded, stepping back to stand in line with the others. Remus sat back as confusion knit his brows. Suddenly, the forms in front of him started to shift. In an instant, a large black dog, a stag, and a rat sat before him where his friends once were.

“I-I don’t understand,” He stuttered, “Are you- are you lot animagi?” the forms shifted and once more the familiar faces of his friends were before him. “Are you insane? You could get arrested or worse! You could have killed yourselves!”

“But we didn’t,” James said with a proud smirk, “It’s how we can help, Rem. We can be with you during the moon now.” Remus sat in shock, unable to speak. Eventually, the reality of the situation set in. An ecstatic grin split his face.

“You’re going to join me?” he said, failing to hide his cautious elation.

“Yeah,” Sirius replied, “And I’ve been thinking. We need code names.” James scoffed behind him but he continued. “I’m thinking Remus is Moony, James can be Prongs, and Peter and be Wormtail”

“Oi!” Peter protested.

“He’s kind of right, Pete,” James said, sticking up for Sirius but giving Peter a sympathetic look.

“And, I’ll be Padfoot,” Sirius finished. 

“Padfoot?” Remus laughed.

“Yeah. cause. Er. the pads?” Sirius finished meekly. Remus nodded with a smile, accepting the reasoning.

“Right then,” James said, gathering them into a huddled circle, “Messers. Moony, Wormtail, and Padfoot, Prongs is ready for some fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is becoming a wild ride in my brain. Quite a few things to figure out!


	3. Where Family is Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.”  
> ― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mentions of abuse

1976 - Summer Holiday 

Sirius Orion Black had always been rather brazen; a trait that undoubtedly got him into Gryffindor house and away from the rest of the Black clan. It came as no surprise, then, that trouble always had a way of finding him while he was within the confines of number 12 Grimmauld Place. Regulus, though Sirius would never admit it, would point out that a large majority of the trouble that found him tended to be exacerbated by Sirius himself.

Sirius sat in his room, new posters from the next muggle town over covered every surface. One had to look very closely to see the silk floral wallpaper hidden beneath the likes of Bowie and The Ramones and the The Who. The worst offense of all, though, was that none of them moved. They were true, authentic muggle photographs. This, more than the fact that they were muggle singers, was what set Mrs. Walburga Black into the rage on a summer afternoon so hot it almost managed to match her temper. She entered her son’s room around the hottest point of the day as air that was warmer than the rest of the house swirled around his room (His window had been barred shut after the family reunion incident of ‘73; a rather riveting story which culminated in Sirius’ escape through his window and out into the square). As she took in the sight of posters and records and chaos her neck slowly flushed up to her face above her high-necked robes. It took her a moment before she could even spot her son, relaxed on the bed with long hair in a french plait and his shirt discarded to the side. When she saw the Shakespeare on his chest, his fate was set.

“Sirius Black,” She growled. Sirius waited a moment before marking his page and languidly tucking a stray hair behind his ear.

“Yes, mother?” He replied with false respect. Walburga spoke no reply, simply looking at him with black, deep set eyes that matched his save for the color before turning her back and striding out the door. Sirius sighed, stretching out the stress building in his muscles before rolling over and placing socked feet on the floor. Placing his hands on his knees, he pushed himself up and shrugged on a worn t-shirt. He walked out the door and into the hallway, thick carpeting muffling his footsteps as he made his way toward the study. He found his mother there waiting for him, her face eerily calm.

“You’re lucky your father is in Moscow,” She murmured as she raised her wand.

Two hours later, Sirius Black emerged on the Potter’s hearth for the second time in months. This time, unlike the last, he was uninvited. With him he carried his wand and a newly inflicted bruise around his right eye. James was sat at the kitchen table when Sirius arrived, a wet rag on his forehead that failed to keep the stifling heat at bay. He jumped sharply when green flames rose up in the fireplace before rushing over to his injured friend, placing a hand on his shoulder. Sirius staggered slightly before regaining his balance and quickly stumbling over to sit in the chair James had previously occupied.

“What the hell happened?” James asked as he took the seat next to Sirius. Sirius looked at him with lightless eyes for a moment before replying.

“Mum,” he said simply.

“Your mum did this to you?” James asked, incredulous. He couldn’t even fathom the idea of a mother raising a hand to her child. The very thought of it sent a shudder through his body. “Why?” He wondered aloud.

“Becase she’s a fucking bigot and I’m a muggle lover, apparently,” Sirius replied. The Noble House of Black had a history of hatred against muggles. All the way back to when wizards first went into hiding, the Blacks had been building up the power of the wizarding race or, rather, building up their coffers. The most recent generation was not immune save for Sirius and his cousin Nymphadora whom he heard had run off with a muggle. Offences like theirs got you burned off the family tree. Sirius was surprised his face was still displayed on the tapestry on the wall. Maybe his mother still held out hope that he’d change. That he would redeem himself as the heir to the Black lineage. 

James held his friend in his gaze for a moment before a new determination fell over him. Keeping cool no longer mattered. Helping his friend was his newest, biggest priority.

“Tea?” He asked as he opened the cupboard and pulled out various tins and boxes. “I assume you’d still like it with excessive cream and sugar?” He continued when there was no reply from Sirius. Sirius lifted his head and met James’ eyes. Finally, he nodded.

Two weeks later, Sirius finished composing a letter to his mother. Mrs. Potter, after learning what had transpired in the weeks past, had taken Sirius in has her own. Sirius, who had never had a mother who’s love came in the form of warmth and smiles and gentleness was thrown off for the first week. Eventually, though, he settled into the rhythm of being Mr. and Mrs. Potter’s second son. This, more than resentment, was what lead him to compose the letter to his mother. He sent for his belongings and informed her that he would not longer be returning to number 12 Grimmauld Place. 

As he walked out the kitchen door to find the Potter’s owl, Mrs. Potter stopped him wordlessly before gathering the boy who now more greatly resembled a man into her arms. Sirius stiffened for a moment before reciprocating and wrapping his own arms around her. She smelled like herbs and soap and he had to stop the tears that threatened to fall as he realized those scents made him think “home”. Eventually, she released him before shooing him out the door to find the owl. Once found, he attached his letter to its leg before sending it off into the horizon. He watched it as it disappeared, unable to rid himself of the feeling that a door had closed somewhere inside of him. He slowly walked back into the Potter’s open one.

Two days after the owl left, a new regally black one arrived on the window sill of the Potter household in the fresh hours of the morning. The light of the new sun hit the pond in a way that made is shine like muggle fairy lights. Beneath the window on the outside was Sirius’ worn trunk and nothing else.  
James was sat at the table devouring toast and marmalade when the owl arrived.

“Hey Pads!” His call rang through the house. “Owl for you.” Sirius’ footsteps bounded down the steps before his messily bunned hair appeared in the doorway. James had lent him some outgrown pajamas while he was staying there, and the snitch patterned pants fit him surprisingly well despite the fact that they were slightly too short on James.

“Lovely,” he said with a rumble of sleep still in his throat. He walked over to the window to shoo away the owl before walking out the nearby door. Outside, he found his trunk. Years of faded Gryffindor pride and stickers were attached to the outside. He was grateful he’d thought of the permanent sticking charms or he was sure his mother would have removed them. He steeled himself for the big reveal before he popped open the lid of his trunk. Inside was his school books and supplies. Underneath were a few robes. Nothing else filled the inside. Walburga Black had sent only the things that were directly tied to the wizard world. Nothing more. As Sirius slammed the trunk closed, he looked up to see a spot on the horizon.

Suddenly, the Potter’s owl flew toward him, its wings flapping violently as it pulled itself to a halt to land on Sirius’ outstretched arm. In its beak was an envelope addressed to Sirius in his brother’s familiar neat script. He patted the tired owl on the head before sending it off. He broke the seal on the letter. It read: 

Sirius-  
Mum’s burned you off the tapestry. If I’m honest, though, we both knew this day was coming. Sorry this is brief I don’t want her to catch me writing to you or returning the owl.  
Regards,  
Regulus Arcturus Black

The formal closure, more than the contents, was what drove the proverbial knife into Sirius’ chest. With the simple word “regards” and his full name, Regulus had widened the divide that had already been growing between them since Sirius’ first year at Hogwarts. He was overcome with the sudden memory of a time long ago, young Regulus squeezing his hand with his chubby toddler one. Sirius had lead him into the drawing room after Regulus had witnessed him get a particularly strong reprimanding. Regulus, unable to understand, had been frightened by the pain on his older brother’s face.

“Shhh, Reg it’s fine it’s fine,” Sirius said, crouching down to look his sibling in the eye. He wiped away the tears that lingered on his round cheeks. Regulus nodded but continued to keep the frightened look in his eye. “Here, look,” Sirius implored. He pulled his new wand out of his back pocket and conjured colored smoke from the tip. He created various shapes and clouds until Regulus was laughing again. 

“There we go,” Sirius soothed, patting his brother on the shoulder. “It’ll be ok, Reg.” But now, in the present, it was anything but. Sirius had left. His brother was on his own. He tried to remind himself that Regulus had always survived perfectly unscathed in the Black household, but he couldn’t shake the image of his crying toddler face. 

Risking a bit of magic, he lit the letter into flames with his wand. He watched it burn with shaking shoulders before turning and making his way back into the house. Back to his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a fight to write, guys. I'm hoping it turned out well!


	4. Where One Sees Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I will find you.  
> In the farthest corner, I will find you.”  
> ― Mary E. Pearson, The Kiss of Deception

September 1976 - Sixth Year

The end of summer built up slowly like a fire until it suddenly was there all at once. As students returned, September brought with it a new type of heat that could only be described as Hogwarts in summer. Students attended the first week of classes and the stone walls of the castle tried desperately to cling on to the chill left over from the Scottish nights. The status quo resumed as the first few days ended and the thrill of summer adventures slowly retreated into the back of students’ minds. There were, of course, some changes. A few new staff had been added and kids had grown, but overall, the beginning of the school year went as expected.

  
For Remus, though, it was anything but. The full moon that year fell over the first week of school and his parents made the decision to keep him home until after it passed. This meant no trip on the hogwarts express and, most importantly, no kicking off the year with his pack. He, of course, protested this as aggressively as he could, which, as the moon grew nearer to full, was not much. Eventually, he resigned himself to staying home and prepared for a night in the cellar. A week into the new school year, he returned. As he walked into the Gryffindor common room heads turned in all directions to catch a glimpse of the mysteriously ill Mr. Lupin. He tried not to notice as he quickly spotted the other marauders and briskly approached them. When he arrived the others received him gratefully, the group finally complete again. Sirius’ though, looked aghast.  
“Sorry,” He said, classic apologetic demeanor taking over, “Got a few new scars over the summer.” He self consciously traced his hand over the most obvious one: a bright pink line right across the bridge of his nose and slightly onto his cheeks.

  
“N-no it’s not that,” Sirius replied, a pink flush dusting across his cheeks, “It’s… nothing. It’s nothing,” He settled on the answer, but it was far from nothing. Remus was different. He looked different. Remus had always been lanky and rather skinny. He possessed some muscle, but often times his appearance bordered on what could best be described as sickly. Now, all of that had changed. Somehow, in a matter of months, his frame had filled out. His shoulders were no longer just a frame for his clothing, but gave him shape. The summer sun had given his pale skin a subtle glow and freckles sprawled across the bridge of his nose. Sirius found himself suddenly unable to look away from his friend.

  
Remus cleared his throat and chose to ignore the strangeness in Sirius. He kept a note in the back of his head about the event but moved on. He held out his hand asking for the notes he had been promised while he was gone. Sirius floundered for a moment before handing him a stack of slightly wrinkled parchment covered in messy scrawl and strange doodles. Remus accepted thim with a raised brow and a smirk. Sirius flushed deeper and avoided his gaze. He gathered what scrap of composure he had left and excused himself to go up to the dorm. Peter and James shared a look, but let him go as Remus sat down to catch up

  
Sirius flopped on the bed with a heavy sigh. He flicked his wand and the heavy drapes of the four poster bed closed around him and shrouded the space in semi-darkness. He breathed deeply in an attempt to calm his pounding heart that he refused to believe was racing because of Remus. His mind matched the hurried pace of his heart. Frenzied thoughts whirled through it as he lay in the darkness. He couldn’t stop thinking about Remus and the new words that accompanied him. Whenever the boy came back to the front of his mind soft and strong and tanned and moony followed. It was absurd. Remus was his best friend, and besides, he didn’t fancy blokes. He never looked at them that way. Girls were who he was into. He had dated them and found them attractive and rather enjoyed it.

  
Except for third year when kissing Marlene McKinnon was as exciting as one of professor Binns’ lessons. Or fourth year when James started to actually fancy Lilly and he couldn’t understand for the life of him what James saw. Sure she was pretty and her breasts were relatively bouncy which he assumed was a good thing, but what was the purpose? There was also the fact that in potions he occasionally just couldn’t seem to get his eyes off the arse of a particular seventh year Hufflepuff quidditch captain. That didn’t help his argument. But he wasn’t gay. Or queer. Or whatever. He just couldn’t be. He would never admit it, but deep down he held a certain sadness over being rejected by the Black family. They were horrible and ruthless but some of what they said he just couldn’t convince himself wasn’t true. Never had a boy so confident hid so many insecurities. He didn’t want to add another item to the list of disappointments that already ran through his head like endless credits for a movie.

  
Two weeks later, James had had enough. Sirius had rarely been seen outside of when he was in class or in the dorm asleep. The rumors that circulated were the worst of it. Student after student approached the other marauders trying to find the truth. After one particular encounter, James snapped. Frank Longbottom had come to him to ask about the rumors circulating that Sirius Black was queer. Once something reached Longbottom, action was far past due.

  
“Remus,” James said as he approached the armchair his accomplice was seated in with books and parchment surrounding him. Remus looked up, startled. James rarely called him by his given name at this point. “Come with me,” He said. He walked toward the dorm without looking back to make sure he followed.

  
“What are we doing?” Remus questioned as they rounded the curve of the staircase. He had followed wordless until this point.

  
“Helping Sirius get his head out of his arse,” James replied. Remus looked at him, confused. “Don’t play dumb, I know you’ve heard the rumors. And now he’s distancing himself. The marauders don’t do this.” James was angry now, building up a temper that would rival even Sirius’ own melodramatic outbursts. The two burst into the dormitory. When they entered, the sight of Sirius, Marlene, and Lily each in different stages of makeup, met them . Lily was the only one who looked up upon their arrival, Sirius and Marlene too engrossed in the eyeliner she was applying to his eyelids to acknowledge them.

  
“H-how did you two get in here?” James spluttered, his focus momentarily lost at the sight of his long-time crush.

  
“Ancient sexism,” Marlene answered for her, eyes still focused on her work. Sirius opened his eyes slightly to make eye contact and nodded. Marlene smacked him not altogether gently on the cheek as a reprimand.

  
“Oi! Careful with the merchandise, Marls,” Sirius chided indignantly. James was still sputtering, trying to find the right pick up line to use while he mussed his hair. The seconds passed uncomfortably as Lily watched on, an amused look on her face. Finally, Remus jumped in to James’ aid.

  
“Would you ladies mind leaving us and Siris alone for a moment?” He said with an ingratiating smile. Lily nodded to him.

  
“Sure thing, Remus,” She smiled at him on the way out. James flushed, assuming it was for him. Lily shared a knowing look with Remus before letting the door close behind her. Marlene huffed, annoyed, before finishing Sirius’ eyes with a flick of her wrist. Sirius winked at her as she made her way out of the room.

  
“What’s the problem?” Sirius asked with an air of innocence. James’ face flamed.

  
“You know what it is,” James said running a hand through his hair once more but for a new reason. “The whole bloody school thinks you’re queer and we’ve barely heard from you in weeks.” Sirius looked at him, saying nothing. Finally, he nodded.

  
“Ok,” He said simply. “If you’re wondering if it’s all true, it is. Except for that part about me and Gilderoy, I’d never stoop that low,” He shuddered. James, who was ready for a fight, didn’t know what to do with himself now that the issue had been confronted so directly. His mouth opened and closed for a few moments before he settled on a simple word.

  
“Ok.” The room sat quite as the passing remarks set in. Outside, an animal howled in the forest.

  
“Then why are you not talking to us?” Remus asked, strangely not able to meet his kohl lined eyes. The stormy gray was emphasized by the black rigning them, and to Remus, they were suddenly too much to look at directly. Like the sun or a particularly strong jinx or spell. “Where have you been?”

  
“Because,” Sirius answered, “I’m tired of being the disappointing one of the group.” He surprised himself with his own honesty. He had a lie prepared, something about being too busy realizing his new wonderful life as a certified gay; but somehow that’s not what left his mouth. His stomach twisted as he realized what he had said, the pit slowly growing there over the past weeks suddenly growing heavier. It made its way into his throat as he pushed himself off the bed, rushing his way to the door.

  
“Sirius,” Remus called in a calm voice, “Stop.” Sirius froze, standing still with his hand resting on the door knob. “Just.. Stop. None of us care.”  
“And we miss you,” James added, sounding pained with the effort of words. Sirius turned around slowly, his eyes betraying the conflict he held. He sized them up for a moment before nodding.

  
“Ok,” He said, “I’ll stop being such an arse.” James nodded and walked over to clap him on the shoulder, welcoming him back into normalcy though surprised at his swiftness of agreement. Remus though, kept his distance. An unidentifiable fist was clenching in his chest, restricting his breath. Sirius, with his long hair and lined eyes and strong pride and stupid self-reservation, was slipping from him. He knew that wasn’t necessarily true. He was his friend and nothing had changed. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going wrong. That he needed to get something back.  
A few days later the first quidditch game of the year brought home a w

in for Gryffindor house. James, high on his first win as captain, decided the proper was to celebrate was a classic marauders party.

  
Remus sat on the couch, the firewhiskey flowing through him creating a slight fuzz in the back of his mind. He grimaced and shifted in his seat, slightly discomforted for a reason he couldn’t quite pinpoint. Across the room from his decided home for the night, Sirius was locked in a what appeared at first glance as a rather slow, vicious fight. In truth, it was one of his nightly snog with his latest conquest; a boy in the year ahead of them who Remus failed to remember the name of. Remus’ fist clenched involuntarily around his drink as he let his eyes fade in and out of focus.

  
Suddenly, a form sat down heavily on the couch next to him. Lily beheld the sight before them before turning to face Remus.

  
“Quite a thing to behold, isn’t it?” She asked, taking a sip of her drink. Remus only grunted apathetically in response, taking a rather long swallow of his own beverage. She considered him a moment, realization and something resembling mischief slowly dawning on her face. “You don’t like it, do you?” She continued, looking him in the eye.

  
“What do you mean?” Remus asked in response, eyeing her suspiciously. “Them? I couldn’t care less. Sirius can do what he wants.” As he responded though, his voice grew more defensive, his arms crossing across his chest. Lily just looked at him, unconvinced. Her gaze seared its way into Remus while he shifted slightly in his place. Remus remained defiant for a while before the facade cracked. “I guess I just think he could do better, I suppose,” He conceded.

  
“Like you?” Lily pressed, alcohol giving her the courage needed to continue her interrogation. Remus was aghast. He couldn’t believe what she was suggesting. “He feels the same, you know, I can see it” She continued, “You’re both just being stupid. One of you needs to grow a pair and do something.” She slumped on his shoulder, eyes fluttering slightly as butterbeer induced drowsiness took over. James sat next to the two with a word of acknowledgement and Remus slowly placed Lily’s head over onto his shoulder. Remus’ mind raced at the image she had placed in his head. The one he had been squashing down since second year of him and Sirius. Together. Wordlessly, he went upstairs to bed. What he didn’t see was the way Sirus’ head turned to follow his path.

  
Hours later, Remus woke to the presence of a person in his bed.

  
“Mmph, what do you want Pads?” He asked shuffling away from the other boy. “Aren’t we too old for this?” What he meant was, “We can’t do this because of what it means now” and “I love you” and “Don’t leave”.

“Never too old for cuddling,” Came a muffled, drunken reply into his back. Sirius had evidently gotten tired of the nameless seventh year boy in the common room below.

  
“Get off, Sirius,” Remus said sternly, tiring of being so close to his friend. He couldn’t do this. He wouldn’t let stupid emotions that didn't even exist get in the way of the friendship between him and Pads.

  
“But I love you,” Sirius whined, coming even closer.

  
“W-what?” Remus asked? The was no possibility he had heard him correctly. One or both of them had to be drunk. What had just come out of Sirius’ mouth would never happen in real life. The only way he would ever hear those words was in his own mind. He stayed on his side, frozen, waiting to be woken from the dream this had become. Slowly, Sirius’ hand on his shoulder rolled him over to look in his eyes. He eyes were strangely clear for a boy who had been off his face moments ago.

  
“I love you,” He said, all seriousness. He ducked his head, bring his lips to meet Remus’ own. He tasted like summer and thunder and Padfoot and just a little bit of alcohol, and Remus loved it all. He kissed back with ferocity, and for a while, all worries of the future and friendship drifted away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew this one was a long one.


	5. Where Love Blooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a very dangerous state. You are inclined to recklessness and kind of tune out the rest of your life and everything that's been important to you. It's actually not all that pleasurable. I don't know who the hell wants to get in a situation where you can't bear an hour without somebody's company." — Colin Firth

**December 1976**

 

Christmastime had never been Remus Lupin’s favorite season. The cheer and good spirit never sat well with him with a full moon occuring so closely before or after the holiday. Pairing that with the fact that Sirius refused to talk about what happened so many months ago between them, and a recipe for a very moody Moony was brewing. Thus, as the Christmas holidays grew nearer, more and more despair built up inside the werewolf. 

It wasn’t that he  _ wanted  _ to talk about it. In fact, Remus felt the constant urge to just let it go. To find some way to self obliviate that blissful moment in late September when, for the first time in his life, he felt as though something was happening that would improve him rather than create new risk or pain. But when he woke the next morning, Sirius was in his own bed. He could barely taste the sweetness and nobility and Padfoot left on his lips. The whole day during classes and freetime, Sirius professed what was essentially a manifesto to the school about the severity of his drunkenness the previous evening. When Remus opened his mouth to question, a look in Sirius’ eyes told him, “I know, I remember, keep quiet”. So Remus did. He kept quiet even when the weight of the questions in his heart made it hard to even speak. Each day he pressed it down harder, like too many clothes trying to fit in his trunk at the end of the year. 

As the final pre-holiday Hogsmeade trip loomed on the horizon, Sirius approached Remus to talk for what felt like the first time in ages. His shoulders were straight and his face calm with practiced Black composure. His right hand, subconsciously fidgeting with a stray sting on his muggle jumper, was the sole sign of something amiss. Remus let himself marvel at the beauty he found in the his face, waiting for the interruption of speech he knew was coming.

“Hogsmeade coming up, yeah?” Sirius said, eyes bright, trying not to betray the words he really held behind them. Remus grunted noncommittally, not entirely invested in the conversation. “Gonna get some more Honeydukes? Your stash is low.”

“You’ve been in my chocolate?” Remued asked angrily, now fully involved.

“Uhm.. do you want the answer?” Sirius replied. Remus shook his head ruefully. There was a moment of strained silence before Sirius nodded and turned sharply to walk away, cutting off a conversation that was only a placeholder. What he really wanted to say, he decided as he walked toward the divination tower, was that he was eating Remus’ chocolate to cope. That the chocolate under Remus’ bed was the closest he thought he’d ever get to tasting those lips again. That for some reason, one drunken kiss with his best friend had destroyed him and he didn’t know what to do about it. That he couldn’t believe that the unshakable, ever-shaggable Sirius Black and become vulnerable. That the vulnerability he now felt around Remus made his palms sweat and god dammit this was his best friend. Best friends didn’t do this.  _ Normal People _ didn’t do this.

Remus watched him go, hand outstretched in a grasp he had attempted only when it was too late. Once again Sirius Black slipped away from him. The distance that had grown between them growing more and more impassable by the day. 

 

Cliched though it was, Hogsmeade at Christmas could best be described as jolly.  The village had always been a quintessential image of coziness. In winter though, it was if even the weather wanted to up the ante. Snow drifted across streets and perfectly lined each branch of every tree. Each roof and door frame carried a blanket of snow so perfect Remus suspected the residents charmed it that way. On saturday, the shouts of students filled the square as they went from shop to shop, purchasing goods for themselves as well as their friends. 

Remus strode into Honeydukes, a bell somewhere in the back announcing his arrival. The others were waiting for him at Three Broomsticks as they knew not to loiter when it came to Remus and his sweets. The smell of thousands of different sugary concoctions affronted him as he walked the aisles. Remus’ family had never been one to possess much spare spending money, but with some extra tutoring he had amassed just enough for Christmas presents for his friends and some chocolate for himself.  He set to work on James first, grabbing up a chocolate wand spelled to look real and some Bertie Botts he planned to sort the good flavors out of. For peter, a box of sugar quills would suffice. The only one left was Sirius. He walked up and down the store for what felt like hours, trying to find the best gift he could that said just enough without saying too much. He didn’t know why he was deliberating so aggressively about this. It was just another gift for his best friend. For some reason, though, there seemed to be a weight behind it now. 

“Can I help you sir?” A voice behind him asked. Remus turned around, slightly annoyed as most of Honeydukes staff knew not to bother him. He had a process. 

“No, thanks I’m-” He cut off, suddenly enveloped in the sight of black hair and gray eyes that held every storm in history. He jumped to act natural, accomplishing a feat far from it. Each article previously in his possession promptly flew from his grasp as the shock of his friend finding him took over. Sirius bent down to help him retrieve them, and Remus had to remind himself over and over not to stare at the swathe of somehow still-tanned skin exposed by the hem of his muggle t-shirt. 

“Nice one, Moons,” Sirius said with a laugh, piling the lost sweets into the other boy’s arms. Remus simply spluttered, telling himself that the blush on his cheeks was simply form making a fool of himself. 

“W-where are the other?” Remus questioned, hoping to get the focus off of himself. 

“Well, I think Prongs finally got Lily to kiss him as they haven’t been seen in hours, and I left Peter to come find you ‘cause you were taking  _ ages _ ,” Sirius answered, dramatically throwing a hand to his forehead as he finished. 

“Well it’s only because you’re so hard to buy for,” Remus attempted to defend himself. “I know you like that god-awful dark chocolate, but that’s not enough for Christmas.” 

“Sure it is!” Sirius found the nearest bar that said dark on it and added it to Remus’ stack of goods. “Speaking of, what would you like for Christmas?” Sirius asked. Remus paused. His mind screamed,  _ you, I want you _ . He shook his head, realizing too late that he hadn’t given an answer, and Sirius was now looking rather befuzzled. 

“Oh, I don’t need anything,” Remus finally said, rushing toward the till at the front of the store. “We should really get going.” He poured his purchases on the counter and payed hurriedly, ignoring Sirius following behind him and trying not to think about how much he resembled a puppy. Without looking to see if he was following, Remus walked out the door and all but ran toward the Three Broomsticks. 

“Remus, wait,” came a call from behind him. Sirius drew up next to him, clearly trying to hide the fact he was winded. “Really, what would you like?”

“I don’t  _ need  _ anything, Sirius,” He answered angrily. He was tired of this. He wanted back into the safety of the group. Away from the danger of being alone with Sirius and the words his brain threatened to let loose. He faltered when he saw the hurt expression in Sirius’ face, the pain there now betraying hidden pain from months and years past. “What I do want, I can’t have,” He conceded, kicking himself when he realized what he’d said. 

“Bullshit,” Sirius interjected, “Anything, Remus. I can get or do anything if it’s for you.” Remus suddenly had the distinct feeling they weren’t talking about presents or Christmas. 

“Sirius-” He didn’t get to finish. Suddenly, Sirius leaned forward, pressing their lips together for the first time since September. Remus melted into the kiss, letting Sirius run his hand through the hair at the nape his neck and kiss him deeper before he realized what was happening. He pulled away, guilt and regret instantly twisting his stomach, but this couldn’t happen. Not here. Not now. Not between two friends. “Sirius, stop.” He said firmly. 

“Moony, please,” Sirius pleaded, sadness and something bordering on desperation oozing from his voice. “Why, not.”

“Because this isn’t what is supposed to happen!” Remus yelled, drawing the glance of a few second years. He grabbed Sirius’ wrist, pulling him behind a large, snow-covered bush. “Because I’m not just going to sit around waiting for the next time you get bored and want to kiss me again!” He was shaking now. Anger and nervousness burning through him.  “Because you’re my best friend and no matter how much I want to, I’m not going to fuck that up.”

“How would you fuck it up?” Sirius asked, reaching for Remus hands that were in fists by his side. Remus tried to pull them away, but eventually gave in. “How could you fuck something so good up?”

“You clearly don’t want other people to know,” Remus said, ignoring the question. “You just get drunk or whatever you are now and then we’re supposed to move on, to not talk about it.”

“I didn’t want to mess with what we already had,” Sirius explain, desperately looking in his eyes. “I was stupid Moons. I did it and I freaked out, but I don’t want to do that again,” Tears were threatening to fall from his eyes, and Remus broke. He lifted a shaking hand, wiping away a stray drop falling down Sirius’ cheek. 

“Okay,” Remus said, urging him on. He was easily convinced, but didn’t let on. He wanted, needed, to hear more.

“I want to  _ be _ with you, Moony,” Sirius was urgent now, grabbing Remus’ hand from his cheek and holding it close.

“Okay,”

“And I want to- wait,” Sirius said, finally registering what Remus had said. “Did you say ok?”

“Yes, you deaf sod,” Remus laughed, “Now shut up.” Sirius didn’t need to be told twice. He practically lunged at Remus, gaerthing him in an embrace before kissing him with far more ferocity than before. There was far too much laughter, and Remus didn’t have much practice kissing boys, or anyone for that matter, but it was perfect. It was perfect because it was them. At last. Finally.

Suddenly, the shouting voice of James Potter sounded from close by.

“Oi Lads! I got Evans!” He stopped short upon seeing what his two friends were actually doing behind the bush.  All color rushed from his face as the two hurriedly broke from the kiss, attempting futilely to fix their rumpled appearances. He struggled with his words for a moment before gaining his composure and saying, “Sirius Black, you may be like a brother but if you hurt him, I will not hesitate to commit fratricide.”  He said gravely.

“What about him?” Sirius replied incredulously, looking at a rather sheepish Lupin. “Why aren’t you telling him that?”

“Moony doesn’t know how to hurt people,” James said simply. He let the moment sit for a while, looking at them in turn. Finally, he shrugged, smiling away the tension. His best friends, he realized, were happy together and most definitely wanted to be alone. “Have fun, you too.” He called as he turned away, “Ah, young love.” He walked off, leaving the two boys flabbergasted but rather pleased. 

 

Christmas at the Potter’s, Sirius decided, was the only way to truly celebrate the holiday. He was originally nervous about the season as he wondered if his mother would use it as an excuse to get him home. As the time to return to their houses drew closer, dread built in his stomach. They day before break though, James informed him that his mother had sent Mrs. Black a rather strong letter to inform her that Sirius would be staying with them. Indefinitely. There were still dull parties to attend and lots of strange, unknown family to meet, but it was all far more bearable with Mrs. Potter’s soft hand on his shoulder as she introduced him as her son. 

On boxing day, James and Sirius received permission to have Peter and Remus join them at the Potter estate for the rest of the holiday. Sirius was excited to see his friends, but was also secretly happy as Mrs. Potter didn’t know about the relationship between himself and Remus. That meant sharing a room with him. For a whole week. Sure they did that at school, but something about being away from Hogwarts made it different.  Within twenty four hours the marauder gang was once again under one roof. They spent the following day sledding in the first muggle town over, Peter and Remus laughing at their Pureblood friends’ attempt at the muggle activity. Finally, as the sun set across the acres of land that held sprawling house James called home, they settled in by the fire to exchange the gifts they had held for the next time they met again. Sirius sat in a soft chair, Remus on the floor leaning on his leg.

“Thanks, lads,” James said as he gathered his spoils into the bottomless bag Lily had given him before they departed for the holiday. Peter expressed a similar sentiment as they wrapped up the end of their festivities. “Moony, where’s Padfoot’s gift,” James asked as he suddenly realized that one too few presents had passed between the group. Sirius looked down at him expectantly, mirth illuminated in his eyes from the warm glow of the hearth. 

“I was going to give it to him later,” Remus answered, blushing at what he knew James would say. Sure enough, mischief lit James’ face as he read far too much into the statement.

“Alright. We’ll leave you two alone, then,” James smirked, sending Sirius a wink before walking up to his room with Peter in tow. When they were gone, Sirius turned to look at Rems, taking in the softness and warmth he exuded in the dying light. 

“Happy Christmas, Moony,” He whispered, barely breaking the silence.

“Happy Christmas,” Remus answered. Wordlessly, he reached behind him, pulling out a box wrapped in non-magical newspaper articles. He placed in in Sirius’ hands and watched expectantly as he first examined the newspaper with fascination before tearing it off gently and setting it aside to keep. Remus smiled at this as Sirius finally opened the lid, revealing a photo inside. In it, two boys were wrapped in an embrace, snowflakes landing in their respective sandy-brown and black hair. There was no doubt of the love that went between them as they swayed slightly on the spot. Sirius stared at the photo for what felt like ages before tearing his eyes away to meet Remus’.

“I’m sorry,” Remus started, mistaking his silence for disappointment, “It was the only meaningful thing I could think of.”

“Shut up,” Sirius said, looking Remus dead in the eye. “It’s perfect.” Slowly, gently, he brought Remus in for the first kiss of many that night. He tasted of cocoa and love, and when they finally broke away Sirius said, “I love you.” Remus opened his mouth and then closed it, torn between reciprocating and reprimanding. He wanted to say it was too early, that people in normal relationships didn’t say I love you until at least a few months in. But this was no normal relationship. Boys from noble families didn’t date werewolves. Best friends didn’t fall in love. But here they were. Finally he swallowed and took a breath.

“I love you too, Padfoot.” Sirius grinned, letting out a laugh of relief

When he woke in the morning the space in bed beside him was empty, the rest of the bunch already having headed down from breakfast. On the bedside table, a pile of chocolate was waiting for him with a rather messy note from Sirius. He picked it up and read it: “Happy Christmas, love.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas fluff in May. You're welcome.


End file.
